Prude to Proud

Many people ask me how my life has changed since i became a mother. Oh in all the usual ways i reply. One that  i certainly didnt expect though was that i would become less conscious of my body.

I have always been a rather shy person, preferring to be seen not heard if it was really necessary to meet new people. As far as clothes were concerned, i was only interested in those that covered up most of me ,especially those areas i was rather ashamed of – now to think of it, quite  a few in fact. I thought my shoulders were too broad, my hips too wide,my legs too masculine, my ankles too thick, bum too big etc etc. As  you can infer there were not many parts left to be happy with and so most of my clothes were certainly not in fashion. I remember refusing even to model the most modest of swimsuits in front of my mother and a visit to the pool involved a sprint from the changing room to the water so that as few people as possible had a glimpse of what i looked like with very little on.

When i reached my teens, things didnt get better. I developed a hunch to hide the fact that i was developing breasts and i suffered agony too painful to bear when my mum suggested we go bra shopping. I lived my teens mostly in jeans or salwar kameezes. I never experimented with the tights that were in fashion then or any sort of  in vogue clothing.

When i got married, my lingerie in the first few months was not the kind that would set any one’s pulse racing and i feel sorry for my poor husband. I would  have made more of an efffort if i felt more confident of myself.

Well things have finally changed. It all began in the delivery room when i realised that since i was having twins there were double the number of people than would  normally be present and all of them had a ringside view of me with my legs far apart and nothing on beneath the waist. I was in too much pain to care then and  that feeling seems to have remained with me. I dont know what it is but the fact that i have terrible stretch marks and a droopy tummy has somehow liberated me. I still dress quite modestly but am not so bothered if people can see that i dont have a flat stomach. Maybe it is because i know that i have two children and most people dont expect a mother of two to have a perfect figure. Maybe i have finally grown up and realised that i was being too critical of myself. I deeply regret that now. I was not overweight and i now know that most of my complexes were self inflicted.  Life is too short to worry about how other people look at you all the time. I regret not experimenting more in the my teens or even my twenties. I have all the time in the world to dress like a grandma.

Now, i look more for something i really like and that suits me rather than making sure i buy something that does not highlight any of the areas i’m not happy with. I have to admit my husband has a lot to do with this. He is a darling man who says i look good even when i know i couldnt possibly. He and my children love me no matter what and that has set me free. It’s a wonderful feeling.

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1 Comment

  1. Rohini said,

    September 24, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    That’s awesome. I need to achieve this state of self-actualisation!


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